Ever wanted to be a goat? Now you can! For just $9.99 – say again, $9.99 – that’s under $10, folks! You can be a goat and do some very cool things like disrupting frat parties! You don’t believe me? Check out Goat Simulator.
Say, you don’t want to be a goat, but a wolf that eats the goat? Go to WolfQuest and be a wolf! For free!
“If you could be any animal, what would you be”? Chicks dig this ice-breaker at parties. Try it, and then ask them, “If you could play any animal simulation, what would you play”? Chicks will dig this discussion even more. And if they ask, what’s out there besides goat and wolf, then say you have no clue, but here are some ideas you might enjoy. Do it and you’ll go home with her for sure.
10) SPIDER: Spin the ultimate web and wait for yummies. Or be a jumping spider and jump out from nowhere (boo – got you!). Or best of all, be a black widow and eat your spouse!
9) CHIMPANZEE: All-you-can-eat salad bar. Hunt monkeys. Hang out with Jane Goodall (she’s a hottie, even now!).
8) SQUIRREL (CITY): Harass, steal, destroy things. Weave between cars and annoy drivers. It’s like Grand Theft Auto with cute furry tails.
7) BEAVER: Cut down trees, and design and make dams. Avoid trappers and hunters. Flood farmlands, damage roads and tick off humans any way you can.
6) SLOTH: The art of moving slow. Enjoy life for what it is. Seek jungle nirvana.
5) BAT: Blind and in the dark. See only in sound. Hunt bugs by sonar. That’s a killer experience.
4) EAGLE: Fly high, check out the awesome landscape, death from above.
3) DRAGON: Hoard gold, kill knights, pillage castles, kidnap princesses. Now, that’s the high life.
2) WHALE: Explore the deep oceans. Avoid the Russians and Japanese whalers. Be a killer or a docile plankton-eater. Love man or turn over their ships. Jump up and down, send balls through hoops, and then extract revenge on those who exploit your athleticism for profit. (I’m referring to SeaWorld, not the NCAA.)
1) ANT: To be an ant would make the best simulation ever. Especially, a warring species or a slaver ant that ruthlessly abducts babies and makes slaves of them, at the risk of a slave insurrection later on. Part of the game will be warfare. But most of it will be exploration. Oh, to wander the scorching deserts or thick forests for hours and hours, and then to be rewarded with a half-eaten jelly sandwich! Call the buddies! Call them now to loot the spoils of our labor before we are discovered by the evil giant gods who burn us with acid rain!